The sun could be warm and inviting; it would be one of those bright sunny days inserted between weeks of pouring rain. You could be sitting at a round table surrounded by the only people you know in school. You could be laughing. And you would be struck by a thought.

This thought would escalate into a feeling.

And this feeling becomes so real you come to a bitter acceptance to whatever the thought may lead you in the next few moments.

I know I have.

And I also know nothing would change as a result of my absence.

I have come to accept the fact that I am nothing but a dead leaf floating in the ocean. I drift along with the currents. And yet no sea creature would wish to devour me. I drift and wait to become nothing. Sometimes I reach a shore and I rest. And at times like these I finally feel like I belong. But the wind blows, the currents sweep in, and I am on my way again.

Until then when I'm finally gone, it would be like I was never there.

I have come to accept the fact that I have no idea where to go. Because I have no control; because it doesn't matter where I go.

There will be no change. No cause nor effect. I am here, for now.

And so it is at times like these I wish I've never existed. And it would be okay. Times like these I feel I have overstayed my welcome, and it's okay for me to go.

It would be ridiculous to say I wish I were dead, because it won't be true. I simply wish I have never been here�I have never talked to the people I talk to; bought the clothes I wore; ate the food you cooked; hung the maps I framed�I simply wish I hadn't touched the people in ways that would hurt.

I wish I was simply nothingness. I could sleep on top of trees and swim with the whales. The wind could carry me and I would visit the dreams that are hidden within the clouds.

If I were nothing, I could be everywhere�doing everything�at once.