I didn't want to come back today. Not because I hated it here, I mean, this is after all my home. But I guess I enjoyed it more over there. I guess I liked to travel, to be someplace new. The world is just so big it's hard not wanting to constantly go somewhere.

I guess also I don't like to know what the future looks like. I don't want to know what I want to be when I grow up, or who I will be married to. Or how my kids will look like. Maybe I might never want to have kids, I don't know.

Today when I saw you at the Arrival hall, I wished I didn't have to see you. Probably because I've done something bad, and I felt good about it. It wasn't right, but I was happy and I enjoyed it. So you can fuck off.

I met someone and he's funny. I hate how we can't spend more time together, alone. I love his big eyes and how he stares. I like the way he wax his hair. And also how he turned red when he drinks. I don't care what you think about me. Because the truth is, if something always happen when I'm away on a trip, it's probably because we weren't as good together as we thought we were.

Let's just face it.

And also I don't give a fuck if I'm wrong because I don't want to feel tied down anymore. I want to go places alone, do things alone, I don't want to have t care about what you think.

I guess you can say I'm immature. Because mature people don't run away from responsibilities. But hey, I can choose what I want to do with my life. And who I want to do it with. Right now I'm thinking, maybe that person might not be you. Or it might not even be anybody at all.

I only love you for sex.

There, I've said it. It sucks but I've said it. I thought about this, and one of the things that came across my mind was, how the fuck can I find someone who knows how to touch me like you do? Will it take another 3 years to open up to someone new so I can truly enjoy sex again?

I like you better before the trip. But now I like a teenage boy more. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm sorry.

It's probably true when they say how new people you meet in your life can either change you or take you away. But these people can hardly compare to the ones whom you've been with forever. But thing is, what happens if you allow yourself to be taken away? I guess it probably goes to show you don't love that person that much to stand up and say no, this is wrong. I am contented with who I am with now. I don't need anybody else.

I am not afraid of ending a three-year long relationship with you. But I am afraid of forgetting how he looks like. I am afraid that one day I'll forget what happened the 21 days I was away. And I don't want to forget. I need to look for something to hold on to. Because I'm not ready to say goodbye. I don't want to say goodbye. I have no idea who he is and where he came from but I like that I don't.

The truth hurts yea but I've said it. I am not sorry for what I've done, but I'm sorry for wasting three years of your life. I want to be able to enjoy and have fun with new people and I don't want to feel guilty and have to report to you for doing so.

I am most probably going to regret saying this, but what the heck. We make decisions all the time. This is only just one of them.