From the moment I stepped through the office door, fifteen minutes late for the meeting, eyes across the table, I have wished I never had to piece those words together in the same sentence. Not for anybody, especially not for you.

I wonder what the first thing that came to your mind was while I sat down with the take-away. I wonder if you hated people who are late. I wonder if you hated me. But then I realized you were looking down at the edge of the table�I realized our eyes never met.

But I like that. The part before every other parts where it could have been any part at all. The part where I would have skipped the take-away, where I would have reached on time. The part where I would have turned to look at you the moment I step through the door. If those parts were the real parts then every other part would have turned out different.

Recently, I have found myself going back to replay this part on an increasing frequency. It seems as if the further away we are now from the beginning, the further back in time I am missing. The 'beginning' seems so inviting. It's so easy to get caught up in 'the beginning', because you know you can start other, try a new part.

I am haunted by the old beginning.

I wonder if memories work like a cosine graph, with it's own cycle�down when it has reached its peak, up when it cannot sink any deeper, down, up, down, up�future, past, future, psst...

If that is so then I suppose I am reaching the last stage of the first cycle of 'missing you'. I suppose then there is no use to force the same method of remembering onto myself, and let my thoughts run free at night, free from all the possibilities of what could be�because I have only just met you.

I will wake up each day wondering if I would see you in school today, even if it is the vacation now. Even if you are leaving for six months. Even if we have completely different schedules. Like two points of different orbits of different radii rotating at different speeds. I will look forward to the moment when the two points of the orbits meet. Even for a brief millisecond. Even if you don't recognize me. Because I will (because we have only just met).